i snapped and lost my temper last nite... and regretted it almost immediately after seeing mon cherie's reaction after that episode... and my heart broke into pieces at that moment when she leaned her head on my tummy and sobbing silently.
i felt like an evil step-mother for what i did to her but i totally lost it, there and then... and it felt worst that what i did to her was what i had forbidded daddy to ever do to her. that feeling was truly crushing... and i ended up crying along and hugged her tightly, asking for her forgiveness.
it felt so silly now - for all i wanted was to sponge and diaper-changed her but at the end, things turned so ugly. for no apparent reason; she was screaming at the top of her hungs for a few minutes prior to me getting her to lie down for her sponge/diaper change. and the loud wails/cries continued with her struggling and kicking her legs at my tummy (coz of the position i sat side facing her) which led to Baby G kicking back hard too.
at first, it was a smack on her thighs, then buttocks and me raising my voice reprimanding her. the screams continued... then i snapped and started flicking my fingers on her cheeks. each scream was followed by another smack on her cheek and i think i gave her no less than 4 of those till i saw her poking her ears - obviously her tears had flowed down and it was making her very uncomfortable. i finished changing her into her PJs by then and with a quick lift, got her up to sitting position. and then, the screaming stopped... followed by her sobbing and leaning towards me. that was when i realized i had failed...
it was a long nite... i laid next to her for hours; watching her sleep and comforting her when she suddenly cried in her sleep. each cry made me felt worst...
daddy finally came back around 1030pm, told him the incident and he was also a little upset with my outburst, saying it was uncalled for. so, we ended up 'atoning' for MY mistake almost the whole nite through as mon cherie continued her sleep-crying and waking up wailing and wanting to be carried. she refused to sleep or lay down her head to rest twice, hence daddy had to carry her upright and pacify her for at least half an hour each.
it was indeed a long night... and i had learnt my lesson...
Friday, January 23, 2009
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2 comments:
cyn, dun be so hard on urself, I guess she did test ur patience and it prob reached ur max last night. Like wat u say take it as a hard lesson not to be repeated.
Dun feel bad! I also lost it at Claire... Me, also slapped her face, screamed at her and whacked her bottom also....
Now, i try to control also...
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